Content Alert- This whole post is a spoiler, because I couldn't control my feelings about this film and hence most of what you'll read would be me internally screaming. So ummm, ride along.
So KFC sponsored an 'original' lifetime advertisement, sorry movie, about the love story of Colonel Sanders and a now broke heiress. This 16-minute long advertisement, available on YouTube, tortures you to a love at first sight telenovela style movie. It's titled 'A Recipe for Seduction' something a lot of people in the world would want to know, and no, unfortunately, the recipe is not the KFC Fried Chicken. Guess seduction's not that easy after all.
The movie starts with a fried chicken shot (of course), on a dinner plate, that the herein eater, Billy, consumes and exclaims "it's delicious" to the host and to be mother-in-law, Bunny. The MIL exclaims she can't cook like that, and it's the new chef, on which he gives a very (creepy) rich guy smile. Mind You, it's a fancy dinner and every other dish on the plate is fancy, but the chicken. Also this is the only one out of two times, that you actually see the KFC Fried Chicken in the movie (so much for a KFC sponsored stint).
The dinner, soon turns into a marriage proposal for the household's heiress by the eater. The heiress, Jessica, is shocked and probably hates the eater herein, as is evidenced by her rolling her eyes to her black, gay best friend, Lee, when he praises the chicken. She runs away and is rebuked by her mother the next morning, because as it turns out, they are broke and this marriage would give them money to pay off the "legacy of debt" her father left them in (What is with rich men leaving their families in debt, first there was Titanic, now there's this and why are daughters asked to pay for it with their marriage to rich spoilt brats). The heiress not wrong in her stand, asks her mom if her wishes matter and like any brown mother, she scoffs at her.
Enters the new chef (who is either 28 or 60 but nothing in between) they hired from Le Petit Pamplemousse (some fancy French word that probably means nothing, but definitely shows they are rich or were rich), Mr. Harland Sanders, who cannot stop checking out and smiling at the young heiress, who is smitten by his dimples???? (It cannot be his persona of course, she just met him!).
After this weird 'I-check-you-out, and you-check-me-out' session of the cook and the heiress, where both of them forget speaking for a while because they keep looking at each other (when am I getting this kind of love and attention?) they meet the next day, when Mr. Sanders is taking the delivery of the food for the bungalow, the heiress asks if he wants the tour of the property, and he leaves, let me repeat that, leaves the delivery to the deliveryman and goes with her to walk in the garden. (What kind of property tour is that and why is the heiress giving the tour? Why is he leaving the delivery unchecked, isn't that careless for a chef? I have so many questions.) This happens while her mother eavesdrops on them, with suspenseful music in the background. During that walk she tells him about Billy and why he is an "egotistical, entitled little man" (didn't she just meet him yesterday? I guess the dimple power's strong with this one) She proceeds to ask him about the Harland Sanders story, and he tells her about having a secret recipe which would change the world (right? That's the question and that's the story, kaun likha hai bey yeh script? Kaun poochta hai aise sawaal pehli mulakaat mein? And didn't she ask your life story? Why are you telling her of a secret recipe? What is happening here? And it's just the first 4 minutes).
Storms in Billy and starts roughing her up because she rejected him in front of his parents. (Yes boy! Abuse the woman you want to accept your proposal. That's exactly how you do it.) and this chef smiles and says "Oh, take it easy" and then comes my favourite dialogue from the series, Billy shuts the chef up by saying "Beat it crouton, get back to the kitchen" (this is getting added to my daily vocabulary. It's a wonderful insult) and you know what Sanders replies? "Don't call me crouton". (What? There is a woman who just got abused and threatened in front of you and you take offence on being called a crouton, you serious boy?).
She goes back to her room and calls her best gay, black guy (trope) friend and tells him that she might be falling for the chef (You've met him twice woman *roll eyes*) and that they have a "connection" (twice woman, TWICE) but her mother needs her to marry Billy. "I've
seen the bills, Lee" (I see what you did there) and now that she is confused, like a good friend Lee hangs up the phone to go on his date. She messages Billy and runs to the shower only for her mother to creep in her room, take her phone, text Billy to wait at the country club and leave with the phone (kya ho raha hai iss movie mein?).
At the country club, the mother informs Billy that her daughter is falling for Harland Sanders (We get the rich guy laugh), she also informs him of his secret recipe, and he rich guy laughs again (I like this guy, I honestly do, he can be the savagest of the people if not abusive).
And then we get to know the most absurdist shit in the whole film, Billy and Bunny are sleeping together. (What?) They are spotted by the gay friend, who is on a date in the same club, and he texts Jessica to call him. (You gonna get killed boy).
To get rid of Sanders, Billy goes to the kitchen to look for leverage and finds the secret recipe (because it's very conveniently labelled 'secret recipe' and what is with that Shakespearean handwriting) with my second favourite dialogue from the film "Secret's out chicken man". Comes in Sanders with the most confused face a human has ever made, like it could be a meme, only if I knew how to make one and asks Billy what's up, to which Billy replies "I've come to make you an offer" "Sorry?" "You're gonna make me explain this aren't you (well yes rich man, spare Sanders, not even we know what's happening, of course you'll be explaining) He offers a cheque of five hundred thousand dollars and asks him to get lost and tells him Jessica said yes to his proposal. (Now remember it is but the second day, you hardly know this woman, and you've been offered a life changing amount, what are you, a reasonable person going to do?)
Lee comes in to tell Jessica everything, but instead is greeted by her mom only to get hit on the head by a conveniently placed mop in an immaculate house.
In another scene Sanders comes to tell Jessica that he can't be bought off (for what? And why are you so upset? It's been two days, am I stupid or love doesn't happen in two freakin' days) well yada yada yada they share a kiss and are stared at by their mom, (The mom's way too involved in her daughter's love life, like geez woman, ever heard of privacy).
Next day the heiress goes to tell her (creep) mom that she can't marry Billy only to come to know that Sanders left in a hurry last night itself (hahahahahaha, I'm done with this movie, I've pulled out a bunch of my hair and there are still 4 minutes left). She decides to walk off this sadness only to hear a faint scream (which I personally would have rubbished as a bird chirping) only to find an open room with blood on the handle (Oh how convenient)
and this dumb as a doorknob woman enters saying "Hello" (just enters, bare handed, just enters and announces that she is entering, how foolish can a person be?) and finds Sanders tied up by Billy, her mom enters soon after to tell them that Lee escaped, it is revealed (To Jessica) that they are together. In this confusion as Billy is going to kill Sanders, Lee comes to hit him with the same mop that Bunny had hit him with and Jessica pushes her own mom, hard enough to break her bones, only to kiss and save Sanders (He just had a sticky tape on that mouth, the mouth would still have glue fuzz, also, please untie that poor man before eating his face).
One Year Later, the two marry (Thank God!) and Bunny is admitted to the Serenity Falls, Health and Wealth Centre where Billy visits her and tells her that he "found her daughter" while biting into a lone fried chicken drumstick he sneaked in (why have they become so old in a span of one year) and THE END.
After Thoughts
Firstly, Why are girls always shown dating men they don't like. Isn't the point of dating and the liberty to break up there so that you can leave the said person. If you don't like Billy don't date him. And if you are so poor that you have to date such a toxic human being, then at least don't hire the head chef from the fancy French name restaurant, where you have been trying to get a reservation for years, maybe. That'll cut down your costs, and maybe so will not throwing lavish dinner parties and maybe putting a part of the mansion on rent. Are rich people that poor in budget management or is showing off that important?
Also, why did the mother not marry Billy herself? Nobody is stopping her, her husband's long dead, and they already sleep together. If they marry, she'll still have the money to pay back the 'legacy of debts' they are in. Then why is she forcing her daughter to marry that crazed fellow.
The only motivation Billy has to enter this marriage is to have sexual relations with Jessica's mom, why then (oh god!) is that man not marrying THE MOM. Why on Earth is there a conflict in this movie? Woman don't like man, man don't like woman, man like Woman's mom, Woman's mom like man, both get married, everyone happy (itna confusion kyon hai bhai?).
Also, if someone offered me a half a million dollars for someone I met 2 days ago, I'd pack my bags and yeet. Now call me selfish all you want, but nobody is getting that attached in 2 days, and I'll just get out of the negativity and maybe call the love interest wherever I am (successfully at peace. She is already bankrupt, I definitely have more than her). Also did no one notice that they could have just fired him and he would have had no choice but to leave. They are the employers after all.
If you go and search the movie on the IMDB page it has 3 directors. Guess too many cooks do spoil the broth.
Isn't KFC anti-advertising by showing only the villain actually eating the fried chicken?
Oh also here's the secret recipe according to the movie (yes, I zoomed in)
SECRET RECIPE
Chicken< a little extra ___> (Whole? Quarters? Drums?)
9 herbs & 2 spices <maybe it should be______>
7 herbs & 2 spices
salt < too much? too little?>
and a diagram of a chicken drumstick.
Enjoy the recipe people, now you can make your own KFC chicken. thank me later.
Your poem made me read more of your posts and might I say, I loved this.
I went and saw this "ad" cause of you.
You're amazing!
Ha Ha Ha, you write well