Book Review: The Last Tang Standing

I finished the book. Finally! I did it. It took me way too much time to digest the judgemental protagonist I was supposed to connect with, but I did it. Especially with all the branded paraphernalia she chose to wear and carry, which she described with such conviction and detail, I felt poor, unfashionable, and even lamentable. For most of them, I had to google because I have no idea what a Hermes Orange or an Annick Goutal is, though the author assumes you do (or I'm just poor I guess).

Author: Lauren Ho

Pages: 416 Published: June 9, 2020

The protagonist is a 33-year-old, rich, Asian corporate lawyer living in Singapore. She is so rich she has a wardrobe full of expensive handbags, but the madam is so ignorant, she refuses to believe it. She lives alone, having no friends (Shocker) but her cousin Linda and Linda's friends Valerie from the art gallery, Filipino Jason, and Ben the Investment Banker (real introductions to the characters, I’m not making this up). She writes a diary compiling her experiences and thoughts, which is what you are reading. The book was advertised as a combination of Crazy Rich Asians and Bridget Jones diary and for the Bollywood fans I would say, add a pinch of Hum Tum too.

Picking up this book as my introduction to the romantic genre might have been a mistake, because though I'm a huge fan of Rom-Coms (no, not the heart stringing 'The Notebook' types, but a light-hearted watch like 27 dresses) I had never read a book on similar lines, hence the Corona holidays (as I like to call them) gave me the perfect opportunity to pick one up. I thought it would be fun, right? And I can imagine the characters as I would like (my very own personal film). Wrong. Firstly, the description of every character is SO detailed, to the point that she'll describe the brands of the clothes one is wearing that it hardly leaves any room for imagination and secondly, the book, its story, and its protagonist are borderline intolerable (par maine utha li hai, toh khatam toh karna hi hai). That definitely doesn't mean the book doesn't have its moments and is worth leaving after reading the first chapter but that unfortunately, is lacking when compared to the former.

WHAT IS EXACTLY MY ISSUE?

OK, OK, let me explain. I'm not a cynic, I'm a pretty positive person (is what a cynic says, but I digress). I don't enter a work of art only to find problems in it, I mean I picked up this book with a lot of hopes and expectations (and ummeed and asha and ummeedon wali dhoop sunshine wali asha, I digress again) but this book just disappointed me, when the protagonist who I was supposed to connect with, who I was supposed to see myself in, turned out to be slightly (more than slightly) problematic. She is a judgmental fuck whose spiteful statements and thoughts are passed off as sharp-witted banter or well assuming thoughts and I definitely cannot relate to that.

But then, let me give you a point wise analysis as to why I think the book deserves a 4/10:

1) The author it seems cannot differentiate between what is witty and what is an outright snarky or problematic statement. There are a lot of times in the book that the author, through the protagonist, makes racist or classist comments, and they are seen as valid observations or witty assertions in a situation. These remain unaddressed throughout the book because they are probably valid reflections of how the author thinks.

2) The protagonist, Andrea Tang is a competitive person. Bingo, so am I. But I really hate the way she shows Andrea as competitive. Yes we do turn every minor activity into a competition that validates our small, insecure ego in some way but no, most of us do not want to destroy the other person and do not think the worst things about the person who defeats us, definitely not things as stupid as looks and age that a person has no control on. It's rather the opposite, you are our enemy, but you have our respect, that we'll get back when we defeat you, and you'll be crying in a puddle of your own tears, I digress again. But, as I did point out before, the protagonist is a judgmental fuck.

For the author, competitiveness in an Asian family turns one into a heartless soul who can only think about money and a well paying job while looking down on other people, but that is definitely not true. I come from an extremely competitive Asian family, full of achievers (albeit not Chinese) and no, it hasn't turned me into a bitch (as I would like to believe), it has made me have other problems which gives me a new topic to write on apart from reviews, but no, I have never looked down upon people for where they are in life. An Asian family does not do that to you, YOU do that to you.

3) The first thing she sees in a man she gets together with is his background and career success i.e. money. Also, her first thought is always, will I marry him? Which can be validated because she is probably at that age where the Asian families start looming over you and threatening you to marry and birth babies, so that's excusable. But for a woman who wants love, money shouldn't be that much of a concern. (I won't invalidate its role, it is but obvious that one would think of it when thinking of future prospects of having to spend a life with someone) but it still makes all of her connections feel superficial. Oh! and on top of money, the man has to be good-looking (Full hero level) or this woman would insult him in her mind, her diary and in front of her friends adding to the superficiality of her "bonds".

(Spoiler Paragraph, don't read if you have any intention of reading the book)

4) Adding to the above-mentioned points, the protagonist literally dates two of the best men in the world (if they were real)-one who is a divorcee, is extremely caring and charming and a multi-millionaire (albeit a bit bossy and "rich"), and the other who is her Indian co-worker, extremely caring, extremely understanding, mature, and communicates his feelings (What?) but is engaged to marry another girl he met in college (and the other girl is clearly the villain *rolls eyes* though I would agree that she was a bit entitled) and this girl is confused between the two, classic, only to ask the first man to propose, say no to his proposal then accept his proposal and then break it off and go to a yoga camp where the second one comes to declare his love and they both get kicked out together.

5) The book is very slow with its pace in the first half, i.e. for about the first 26 chapters the author is still building the world around the different characters and if one is patient enough to sit through that, it is only then that the story sees some development and pace and the story gets a bit interesting.

6) Also can we please remind the author it's 2021 (or 2020 when the book published). These women hating on women plots are so last to last decade. And for a book written by a woman the expectation of not having to read such things is always more. But, Oh, how she disappoints! The protagonist hates on her friend Valerie because she is old, gets face lifts done and still finds love and doesn't care to be herself while recognizing what she may lack. She hates on the girl her love interest is engaged to because the girl feels a bit threatened by the protagonists' presence, after knowing the protagonist and her man may have come close to having a moment (I mean who wouldn't), shows a well validated authority over her own fiancé and additonally is a career woman who has all in her life while our dear Andrea Tang does not have "a clear shot at the one thing that's within my grasp" . She hates on her best friend and cousin Linda, because she has rich parents (despite knowing they were never there for her) and because she is a strong woman who doesn't care for what others, especially her family, thinks. Not only that, but she even hates on Linda when Linda comes to seek a roof in her house as soon as she gets out of a bad relationship as she was threatened to be murdered as a result of being in the same.

I mean judging your own best friend and then wondering why you don't have anyone to rely on (She still finds love though, Shubhangi) just because she was born rich (out of her control) or got together with a wrong man because of her underlying abandonment issues is something I just couldn't comprehend. Instead of sitting and communicating, helping her, guiding her, telling her where she is wrong, she judges her and hates on her. How is this a sign of good friendship? The protagonist could really learn a thing or two from Anushree, she is never available to talk or chat, but she will still put you straight in line if she sees you going haywire in your life, while threatening to kill you in the same breath.

7) The protagonist takes herself way too seriously, matlab yaar it's like the world revolves around her, and she is always sad. ALWAYS. Like I imagine her entering into a room with an expression of irritation against mankind and chronic constipation combined. Also, out of the Kardashians, she thinks she is Kendall Jenner for being low-key (matlab woh toh e-book thi, warna book phenk deti main issi baat pe).

8) She thinks all Indians are freeloaders and skint, and I personally took offence to this and delivered it at her door.

9) The book is definitely not even as close to Crazy, Rich Asians as the author would like us to believe or as has been promoted, I mean the girl is Asian, the family is Asian, the friends are Asian, it is set in Singapore and has some REALLY RICH people but apart from that.......

10) She hates on Android phones, bloody show-off (this one's more personal).

11) Lastly, the author wants us to root for the protagonist when she is literally the worst character in the book. Like how are we supposed to root for her when she is that spoiled, spiteful, toxic-ally competitive and overly critical. Very honestly, there have been times that I rooted/hoped that she doesn't end up with the male leads or get the promotion she is so dying for. The only redemption arc provided to this poorly written character is that her long 8 years relationship broke and her parent are Asian (*shrug*) and now we are supposed to feel bad for her.

Does this mean hope ruins things? I hope not. Cause as I did say, the book's not all that bad, so here are some good points

1)The second protagonist is a British born Desi (representation).

2) At one point of time the author points out how we cannot always condone Asian parents and their opinions because of the times they have lived in and because of the life they have seen. Thank God! she understood that by the end. Also woman, you are a millennial, you can learn not to be exactly what you condone your parents for.

3) The snarkiness tones down as the third part starts. That's the growth of the character if you are willing to read too much into it.

4) She perfectly describes in words what a woman goes through when she decides if she should become a slave of the system or rely on the money the people around her provide while probably living her dream (albeit not a similar dream)

" How could I consider myself a feminist if I did that? But was being a feminist as important as being free to live the life I’ve always aspired to have, i.e., quit a job I hate and have enough money to buy whatever I wanted? "

5) She perfectly describes a law firm and the randomly wandering/randomly blabbering associates who in the real world would be taken to be a bit unstable but are perfectly acceptable within the walls of the firm.

6) I came to love Valerie.

7) At one point in her moment of character assessment the author gets the protagonist's ex-boyfriend to describe her perfectly "A woman in her mid-thirties who still doesn't know her own mind but thinks she does" and who needs to grow up.

8) Her friendship with Linda apart from the above mentioned problems is actually otherwise an honest representation of a real world girl friendship.

9) At one point of time Andrea perfectly describes why she involves herself in work so much despite her personal life being one brick away from dismantling and I connected to that like a Vodafone network

"Work. It might seem insane to an outsider that I cared about work at a time like this, but they didn’t get it. I’d been hardwired for too long to just throw everything aside even when my personal life was in chaos. Work had always been there for me, no matter how bad things were. Work was family, a drug. Work was life."

Well, guess I need a long break from Romantic books now before I try anything new. Also for people thinking I'm not made for romance, NO, sshhh, don't think that......I take that shit very seriously and I would love to experience it one day.

OK, Tata, Bye.